Chris C
21 Juli 2024
Having stayed at the Balmer Lawn on and off for the last 25+ years, we were looking forward to another stay here, especially as the photographs on the website showed that the outside space had now become more of a drinking and eating area, no doubt an expansion on what happened during the pandemic. We booked 2 rooms, 1 a standard room, another one of their superior rooms. Upon arrival, we were asked to pay in full for both rooms – that always strikes me as a bit odd – do they think we would run off, or worse, leave if the rooms were not as expected? Anyway, duly paid, we went to our rooms. First, the standard room. Room 1, on the first floor, just outside the lift, was very small, the view was of a brick wall, and the room was incredibly hot – and this was not even a particularly hot day. The giant fan did little to help. The superior room was not very superior. Room 25, located on the 2nd floor, at the back of the hotel, overlooks the roof of the spa, and a view to a bit of the outdoor pool. The room is very tired and does not live up to the description or photographs on the website. Stained carpet, worn headboard where guests’ heads have rubbed there over the years (yuk!), cheap Ikea furniture with bubbling veneer, filthy window frames, a useless shower of a small bath, the bathroom shelf over the toilet (watch out in case anything falls off the shelf), terrible scratchy old towels, uncomfortable beds. There has been a change to the carpets in the hotel, drab grey makes the whole place look corporate and cheap. We ordered a bottle of champagne – at £155 a bottle, they didn’t even have in refrigerated. No thanks. We had dinner in the main restaurants on both nights – looking forward to it with their much hyped 2 AA rosettes. Another mistake. A poor bistro type menu, no nods to anything remotely fine dining. Overcooked steaks, undercooked lamb, miserable portions, under seasoned… Awful. Breakfast is another disaster. A bunfight with a buffet for cooked items. Greasy bacon, and those scrambled eggs – like powdered, insipid dust, hardly yellow in colour. Probably the very worst scrambled eggs in the UK. A note to the chef here – have you no shame? In fact, to the hotel owners and managers – try staying here yourselves with a view to being a guest. The spa has an indoor and outdoor pool. Both heated (by a candle judging by the chilliness of the water in both) and the jacuzzi was out of action. Again, horrible tatty towels to use. This 4-star hotel used to be quite good, and the restaurant used to be very good. But now it’s just another flea-bitten hole, trading on past glories, with tired staff, tired rooms and tired facilities. Avoid this place like the plague.
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