If you're looking for luxury, exceptional service, or any semblance of value for money, Billionaire Resort in Malindi is not the place. Despite promising a five-star experience, the reality is shockingly subpar, with prices fit for royalty but service that’s barely half a star. Let's start with the only positive thing I can say: the suites are spacious and seem good for families. But after you step into the nightmare that is their housekeeping, even that will quickly lose its shine. One old, tattered towel per day in a so-called "luxury" resort? Really? For the rates they charge, I expected multiple plush towels. Instead, I got something you'd find in a budget motel. To make matters worse, the fridge in our suite didn’t work, and despite their advertised amenities, there was no washing machine. The food? An absolute disaster. The "grilled chicken" we ordered was clearly just boiled and briefly thrown on a grill. Bland, tasteless, and a complete letdown. The rice was equally underwhelming—flavorless and dull. Every dish felt like no effort had gone into it. And don't even get me started on the "local food" we were served one evening—what they passed off as local cuisine was nothing short of criminal. Breakfast was another colossal disappointment. Day after day, the same uninspired selection: bland eggs, rubbery sausages, and absolutely no variety. No creativity, no attempt to surprise or delight guests. If you think the nightmare ends there, think again. The resort's taxi services are absurdly overpriced, making you feel like you’re being scammed at every turn. To top it off, the "beach access" they tout is nothing more than a sea wall with treacherous, steep stairs leading down to a rocky, unsafe shore. Hardly what one imagines for a relaxing beach getaway, and definitely not child-friendly. There are also no activities offered at the resort, so don’t expect to be entertained or catered to in any meaningful way. Billionaire Resort is, in short, a trap—a money pit that offers absolutely zero value for the exorbitant rates they charge. Avoid this place like the plague unless you're eager to be ripped off and leave with a bitter taste in your mouth.
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